A reader writes:
It is a bizarre low-stakes factor. I work in a small authorities workplace and we’ve a man working right here who’s been right here for over 40 years and is inside a 12 months or two of retiring.
I like him nicely sufficient, however I’ve observed he virtually by no means calls ladies by their names. Any lady he speaks to, he addresses as simply “you,” and if he’s speaking a few lady who’s not within the room, he simply says “her.” There are extra ladies working right here than males, and he all the time makes use of the boys’s names or not less than their surnames.
It makes it very complicated once I do not know which “her” he means. I’m “her,” my closest colleague is “her,” our large boss is “her.”
I do not know if he’s doing it intentionally/maliciously or if he simply genuinely can’t bear in mind any of our names, and thus no concept if I needs to be outraged or attempting to do something about it. If I immediate him, he often will make clear who he’s speaking about, after a little bit of hesitation, and he’s not notably sexist or something past this. Is that this only a bizarre quirk I ought to proceed to be mildly amused and perplexed by, or ought to I be taking a extra energetic stance in getting him to make use of ladies’s names?
Why not simply ask him about it? “I’ve observed you by no means discuss with ladies by their names though you employ males’s names. How come?”
After which possibly: “It’s actually arduous to know who you’re speaking about if you don’t use names. Are you able to please use our names identical to you do with males?”
Who is aware of why he’s doing this. Perhaps he’s uncomfortable with ladies, possibly he sees us all as a generic block with no individuality, possibly he’s taking a stand towards ladies being at work. I don’t know, nevertheless it’s bizarre and troubling and it doesn’t belong at work. You must be happy to name him out on it each time, which is able to make him look even weirder if he insists on persevering with.
You may additionally level it out to your boss. I’m guessing she’s observed, however saying it out loud may nudge her to handle it herself.
